4 Dec 2010 - When i was a kid

3:00 am - Shivaji the boss
Why i watched it? couldn't help it. Weirdest part was, the presence of stupid fairness and kundli stunt in the film. I mean, the educated and literate people like us as well couldn't escape from the lure of ignorance. At the same time we fail to understand that all that we present in all innocence, at the end of the day it becomes the part of the unintended propaganda and does affect people sublimely in some way. They say, if they see a burning cigarette it produces a carve to smoke, even though the image is a no smoking sign.

5:21 am - 8 Mile
Britney Murphy, the lead of this movie, died at the age of 32. It says that she died of natural causes but it is rumored that it was because of overdose of drugs. But no thats not my point, my point is,in life, you have stages. you now, age brackets during which you are allowed/given opportunity/feasibility to the desired sub-set from the universe of your dreams.
When i was kid, i have been just that. Happy, Naughty, Nerdy, Over confident, Top of the world. In short, Princess. I spent my life playing. I played every games, every song, all dances, all books, all movies. i have been the best batsman, awesome singer, the cutest,braves,most quarrelsome kid in town , been really fussy about food, Dreamer - coming up with all stupid games/stories no would ever think about.
I was my superhero :)

Then, I turned into a teen-ager. I was such a happy kid that refused to grow up for first few year, the kid in me was constantly fighting with the teen-ager me. That made sensitive, poetic, philosopher. In short, LONER. I guess that was the start of mine getting weird. pretty early huh? Along with came the phase where you would nick 10's and 20's just to buy chocolates. So, now i was fat, spectacled, clumsy dork for whom boys as competitors was on but as friends was still a taboo. I guess i just love to fight, dad says, it's something in the blood. But the only person with whom i have fought more than even fighting with my brother is myself. With in me there is a paradox of extremes where each one them have a brain on their own and nobody want to give in. This was also time when i could have argued about just anything under the sky.

As i mentioned before, i grew up pretty late. So, it was pretty late when the teen ager in me finally had the upper hand ( though i still don't think the kid in me will ever give in). This time, I became arrogant, cynic, sadist, bitch, quite, cribbing, insensitive, ambitious. Yea, just the time when i wanted to win the world. change it completely. had strong and absolute opinions. The most volatile phase of life so far. Because i was learning now. I became a third person in my life and start seeing it as an outsider. Before this i had a real life, during this i had my life within myself. I discovered, I am a difficult person to live with, but sure, m worth the trouble :P

I am 22 now, and as mentioned before Britney Murphy died at 32, I am not saying i'll die at 32 or anything. But i have this feeling, that right now i am getting ready for my next phase. This transition phase is always pretty dull and hollow. These ten years will almost forge who'll be in future. You know, you take time to build a building and when it's done you just do few changes here and there. Change a color or two, drop a wall or erect something small but you never redo the whole building. So, in next ten years, I will be finish constructing this building for myself.

li'l missy in the big world.