The last day of year 2010

Here is the end of the month, I tried to keep a account of how many stories am i able to cover in this month. It turns our during these 31 days, i watched 39 movies and read 2 books, thats a pretty impressive figure and it does reveal much about my life, that it is non-existent. Through stories I learn, it gives me a perspective to see and understand things. Some how the things I do/watch turns out to be in a sequence, as if they are a part of some bigger puzzle. I just finished Half Nelson, a story of a professor who wants to change the world but realizes he can't and just after that I watched this TED video by Kiran Bir Sethi who infected me by the bug of 'I can'.

(Off Topic: I found something really peculiar. we study about behavior marketing, well this is something our mothers have been using since very long. When we were kids if they wanted us to stop sucking our thumb, they used to put mirchi on it so that the brain trains itself. Mumz are really cool! The same concept of behavior training is been applied by Kiran as well)

Last year, my resolution was , to watch at least one movie per day, i guess i have watched more movies than needed. So, what is the resolution for this year? umm.. i'll post it soon, dun wry!

December 29, 2010 - The day took the vow

I have this habit, that whenever i watch a movie i tend related myself with one of the character of the movie. So, from now on along with the movie name, i'll add the character that i felt closest to.
Beautiful Girls - that 13 year old neighbor girl.
Me and You and Everyone we know - The elder of two brothers.

The Lives of Others - HGW XX/7, the spy!

This is the first feature film by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, the guy who knows French, Italian, Russian, German, and of course English. The film won Oscar in 2007. I always had this desire to become a film director. Loads of things have changed about me in all these years, but this one thing just stayed inside me. so, this is what it is going to be. on 90th Oscar ceremony, be ready to see my name along with it.

Wall Street - Money never sleeps - The girl who works with frozen truth.
Half Nelson - The Teacher, not that strongly though, wasn't interested in the movie much. Not that it's a bad movie.

Menace of Age

Age and Woman are constant enemies. Trust me, its not only about the youth of a woman but it is related to everything else, that a woman does, as well. Now consider this, a lady who teaches with my mum in her school visits our place. She can't be more than 4 or 5 years older than I. Couldn't be married for more than 2 to 3 years max. But just because she is friends with my mother I, in all my foolishness, addressed her "AUNTY". O holy crap of virgin mother of god! this is the most dreadful thing you could do to any woman. Irony being, I did it in all innocence. But even my innocence couldn't spare me from the peril of distress that i have caused that woman.
What could be more dreadful to you than that a woman(oh how i hate to call myself that) your age is calling you "the unspeakable word" just because you are married and more so because you are friends with her mother. I mean, its not a crime to be friends with your colleagues is it? The picture of that lady swallowing the hard fact down her throat flashes continuously in front of my eyes and I couldn't stop being sorry for the lady who has been nothing but kind to me. At the same time I also couldn't being sorry for myself for my own foolishness and lack of understanding of the future where i would be facing the same situation.(I know it'll happen because the curse by that lady is going to haunt me until, thats how it's been prophesied in the divine book of woman hate code).
Rightly they say that a woman is the biggest enemy of another woman. I have committed a dreadful crime, in foolishness or otherwise and now I have been given the punishment of visualizing the future, before its due time, and live in fear for what will fall upon me. All I could ask from the ugly goddess of woman's youth and beauty is to be merciful to me.Amen!

28 December 2010 - The number 23 theory

The invention of Lying
I guess, the theory of number 23 is true, i.e. more you start thinking about something more it gets real to you. As it says in 'The Alchemist' and 'Om Shanti Om' world actually starts conspiring to get you the thing you want the most because you are thinking about it the most. From here emerges the theory of 'The Secret', if you just think of one thing and start working towards it obviously it'll happen. Because things starts happening the moment you start doing them, 'Eat.Pray.Love.'. And you start seeing similar things around you just because you are looking for them. Obviously 'dhhondne se to bhagwan bhi milta hai' isn't it!
My number 23 is the chaos, It started when 'Nihilism' was tossed in front of me. Then when today 'The invention of Lying' was screened in front of me, it made me rewind things. Possibility could be that there was 'The man from the earth' or more simply, because we all want some meaning to our life and live it in a grander way we tend to make it a 'Big Fish'. Then our lies come back to us and tell us "you'll meet a tall dark stranger" and we happily hold on to the thought because we are "Alice in a wonderland". That is the reason why we think to go for "revolutionary roads" so that even we could follow someone "into the wild". There are the "eternal sunshine of a spotless mind" that we live in but when the "Chronicles of Narnia" ends its just "The fight club".

One after Christmas

exam
Book: P.S. I Love You
Eat.Pray.Love.
Chaos Theory
I wanted this movie to be pseudo intellectual, something straight out of a H.G.Wells book, but it turned out to be romcom. It leaves you with a good feel in the heart anyways, so its ok. Chaos is anyways too close to me to be left at just the name of the movie. I see chaos as the sum of unlimited individual patterns put together. We continue to live our life in a pattern, thats what even Newton agrees with when he states his second law of motion. It's just that when that 'external force' happens, we just switch patterns. Then you would say, where is the pattern in human life if we keep hopping from here to there. Well, if you observe closely around you, you'll find it is very rare that people actually switch patterns in their life. They get so used to their daily routine that the concept of change sounds like a calamity to them. That is the power as well as danger of following a pattern. But even when we change tracks, we are following a pattern, because then you fall into pattern of changing patterns.
No one has broken the web of chaos yet. It gets denser with every new move one thinks, because it again becomes the start of a new pattern. May be that is what we have to do, we have to fill every empty space possible and try to cover all the patterns.


Be as diverse as possible.

A post before Christmas

It's been a really long while since i actually posted something rather than just updating the name of the movie in my ever increasing list of movies. Though I am trying really hard to focus on creating a priority list in my life rather than movie list, but it's not working. I am home now a days, and trust me days back home are like cleansing days for the soul. The world outside corrupts you, snatches away all your dreams and leaves you with the phantoms of depression and dismay. The Medusa of vices seduces you with its alluring charms, presenting mirage after mirage of heartbreaking beauty of nothingness of life while reciting enchanting tales of insignificance of your own being. Home is one place where you get to have a randevozuos with your innocence which stays under the expensive layers of Mac and Revlon while hiding itself from the gruesome and macabre faces of worldliness and perfection of the authority holders of the world. This kind of authority needs not to be any red tape or bureaucrat because so lame are the calls of valor of a human that it dreads even the hush and polite whisper of the aunt who lives next door and pertaining to her interests in the fantasies of the real world, she cooks her whims and fancies into the delightful delicacy of mockery and serves it in the neighborhood, kind hearted that she is.
The prolixity of my writing may amuse you, as it unveils my efforts of removing ashes from a long burned portrait to collect the remains, if any, of the picturesque reminiscent of the child who promised oneself to rule the world as it knew no force who could stop it from doing so.
"Some men die with their music inside them"
21 Dec 2010 Music Inside
As I remember it, my mind paints for me a picture of mine where I am listening to this music divine.

22 Dec 2010 Dorian Gray
Vices will never take you anywhere?

12 Dec 2010

Four Christmases
6:50Pm - The Cinderella Story

Why do i even bother to watch movies?

13 dec 2010

The Sea Inside
My life in ruins
Moulin Rouge

14 DEC 2010

THE CONSTANT GARDNER
Australia

15 Dec 2010
Wild Child
Almost Famous

16 Dec 2010
Band Baja Barat - Loved the movie, typical dhinchak stuff!
No Problem - crap
Faster

17 dec 2010
True romance

Someone will play, just the music you would want to hear. Upload a video on facebook, which is tells you just the story you need to see. Smile back at you just when you are looking for some smile around. When end comes, you start remembering everything that has been. Thank you MICA, for just being.

19 dec 2010
You will find someone tall and handsome

21 dec 2010
sin nombre

11 December 2010

6:00 AM - Devil wears Prada

After a long time i saw this real awesome shit! I totally love the flick and it's going to the list of my all times favorite that includes -

1. VeerZaara
2. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
3. Devil wears Prada

Must have done something right!

Sorry and thanx Aparna for everything and more.

And about why there are just three in the list of all time favorites? Well, I love watching movies, at times I like them like hell (that in short means I cry a lot in them) the kinds like "The Time Traveler's wife" may be. But at times, you just have this feeling that this is one movie which will stay with you for life. Thats when it goes into your all time favorites list. It is like this, I don't know myself much. I am this strange animal to me. So, things that i just felt intuitively are the only ones that feel genuine about myself. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of me soon.

7 Dec 2010

4:16 am - Nine


I wish to fall in love with just one face.
And I wish the person be me.

I shall be the artist, the lover, the teacher,
and the only muse.
I'll be the last song, of today and tomorrow,
and with in me i'll let it fuse.

You may find it rotten, selfish or mean,
I am naked for you to see.
but i would rather tell the story of,
no one else but me.

I see my self smile,
among the blood, the pain and bile.
I behold your evil in my eyes,
because with beauty the beast be sides.

Don't show me mercy, don't curse me,
don't tell me moral of being.
If you care, you love, then do me a favor,
for a while let me be me.

6 Dec 2010

12:15am - Khele hum jee jaan se

Purpose in life?

It's Sonam's b'day. Had a nice chat with few really special people after a long time. and the best part was all of it happened on one single day. When history calls, it's never in snippets.

5 Dec 2010

7:04 am - Across the Universe


I guess after this movie, I just love Beatles. Huh, they do rock.

6:00 pm - december boys
This is how it always happens, i start with writing elaborate writings in the beginning and in the end, all that remains is just a few names.

4 Dec 2010 - When i was a kid

3:00 am - Shivaji the boss
Why i watched it? couldn't help it. Weirdest part was, the presence of stupid fairness and kundli stunt in the film. I mean, the educated and literate people like us as well couldn't escape from the lure of ignorance. At the same time we fail to understand that all that we present in all innocence, at the end of the day it becomes the part of the unintended propaganda and does affect people sublimely in some way. They say, if they see a burning cigarette it produces a carve to smoke, even though the image is a no smoking sign.

5:21 am - 8 Mile
Britney Murphy, the lead of this movie, died at the age of 32. It says that she died of natural causes but it is rumored that it was because of overdose of drugs. But no thats not my point, my point is,in life, you have stages. you now, age brackets during which you are allowed/given opportunity/feasibility to the desired sub-set from the universe of your dreams.
When i was kid, i have been just that. Happy, Naughty, Nerdy, Over confident, Top of the world. In short, Princess. I spent my life playing. I played every games, every song, all dances, all books, all movies. i have been the best batsman, awesome singer, the cutest,braves,most quarrelsome kid in town , been really fussy about food, Dreamer - coming up with all stupid games/stories no would ever think about.
I was my superhero :)

Then, I turned into a teen-ager. I was such a happy kid that refused to grow up for first few year, the kid in me was constantly fighting with the teen-ager me. That made sensitive, poetic, philosopher. In short, LONER. I guess that was the start of mine getting weird. pretty early huh? Along with came the phase where you would nick 10's and 20's just to buy chocolates. So, now i was fat, spectacled, clumsy dork for whom boys as competitors was on but as friends was still a taboo. I guess i just love to fight, dad says, it's something in the blood. But the only person with whom i have fought more than even fighting with my brother is myself. With in me there is a paradox of extremes where each one them have a brain on their own and nobody want to give in. This was also time when i could have argued about just anything under the sky.

As i mentioned before, i grew up pretty late. So, it was pretty late when the teen ager in me finally had the upper hand ( though i still don't think the kid in me will ever give in). This time, I became arrogant, cynic, sadist, bitch, quite, cribbing, insensitive, ambitious. Yea, just the time when i wanted to win the world. change it completely. had strong and absolute opinions. The most volatile phase of life so far. Because i was learning now. I became a third person in my life and start seeing it as an outsider. Before this i had a real life, during this i had my life within myself. I discovered, I am a difficult person to live with, but sure, m worth the trouble :P

I am 22 now, and as mentioned before Britney Murphy died at 32, I am not saying i'll die at 32 or anything. But i have this feeling, that right now i am getting ready for my next phase. This transition phase is always pretty dull and hollow. These ten years will almost forge who'll be in future. You know, you take time to build a building and when it's done you just do few changes here and there. Change a color or two, drop a wall or erect something small but you never redo the whole building. So, in next ten years, I will be finish constructing this building for myself.

li'l missy in the big world.

3 Dec 2010 - A perspective on Love

1:30 am - Break ke baad



At times you find your own story playing on the screen in front of you. All through the three hours you see and contemplate where things went wrong, when you were being the jackass, where you could handled the situation but didn't. But doesn't matter what you do or don't, because what a movie shows is the best possible end and amusingly your life is not a movie.

6:30 am - How much you love me?
At times I feel like, why do i already get ready to watch any crappy shit stuff. May be because "kamal kichad mein hi khilta hai". There were three times in my life when i pickup something pretty gross and random n which changed my life and stayed with me since.
a. First time it happened with "The Love Machine" by Jacquelin Susann Since then I am in love with Robin Stone. No, I take back my statement, I AM ROBIN STONE. I always wanted to be Howard Rock but left to be Dominique Francon. Being Howard was too much of imagination. No the two books have nothing in common, but if someone sees it from my eyes, they do got lot in common. No offence to anyone's sensibilities. Robin and Howard are two male protagonist who have affected my life pretty badly, so i can't talk about them by separating one from other. "The Love Machine" was the first time my definition of love changed, eh.. modified.
b. Then came the time, when i turely hated for it's grossness. It happened with "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" Judith Rossner. After this book, something died inside me, forever. It wasn't a sad book, but it was epitome of grossness for me. Though it was no different from "The Love Machine" but somehow i still appreciated Love machine but even being a women myself i was unable to appreciate the need of a woman. It was almost like being a part of conservative Hindu family and suddenly one day, you understand the meaning and implications of "how you were born?". Hypocrite? Guilty. So, grossness wasn't of Theressa but was of my perspective, which was given a purer identity the day i finished the book.
c. This time it was movie, "Fling".

Right, wrong, freedom, commitment, lies, truth. Nothing, just nothing, it broke all boundaries. After this i watched "a girlfriend experience" and came up with a complete analogy on the kinds of relations which could be there and why? I loved this movie for some reason and i guess hated it for same.

There three narratives gave me perspective. When i started watching "How much do you love me?" i thought i might get lucky again the movie succeeded in ridiculing itself. The issue didn't needed sensitivity but just the same care and respect which Francois gave Daniela.

2 Dec 2010

3:39 Am - Elegy
Sometimes you let something so beautiful go just because you have fear of loosing it. Irony? The thing you miss the most is the thing you hate the most. sweetest elegy for a dream. Late nights. phone calls. busy tones. You see something so beautiful that you cry. Then you try to separate fiction from reality. Dice rolls. Laughs. Meow. You are trying to make sense out of everything, something and failing so miserably. Pictures of a stranger. Happy faces. Memory of a phone call. scold and care. Dial tone. You try to lost yourself in a story, any story but your own. You try being old. Fight cancer. Love. Lost. Credits. Bright room. Empty corners. Is it that time of the year when you sit with the darkest hour of the night and hear the lull of the storm, which is right at the corner. You know you can't escape it, but still you wait patiently, because you know, you'll survive.

5:02 - Cashback
Everyone wants to live in a frozen world. In moments where you could stop the world and you stretch the moment into a minute, hour, day. Life tickles off with each second.


Corpse of dead butterflies,
Snowflakes in time halt.
You touch a face of innocence,
Kiss the lips which tastes salt.
You close you eye to see,
the colors of the symphony.
Among the changing paradigms
you yearn for harmony.
You stretch your arms
to hold smoke,
irony often sinks in
at the airports.

1 Dec 2010

I got this whole month with me. I just want to figure out it turns out to be. Stories has always been something which kills me inside and then revive me from ashes. This month i am going to keep "an account of births and deaths". Lets see what I got for myself.

1 Dec 3:55 am : The dreamers


Could the start have been any better or worse? I don't know. I don't wish to know either. Once in the movie they talk about chaos that while we live in this world we fail to make sense of what it is. But if we stand out for a while and look at it whole as movie, we would it to be a marvelous game plan where every thing falls into its place on its own. Isn't it a very interesting game, where there is just no wrong move. What ever you do or think of doing is just right. Like the movie itself. In between the movie Matthew claims that Theo and Isabella will never grow up if they continued a life like this? What will make them grow? Standing for a cause which says no to war by attacking people on their own? (After wearing a uniform does people stop being people in any way?) Or changing paths because you know though it is right but what you would be doing is not right?

In Buddhism they believe in "Enso" It talks about the incompleteness of life, "lack of absolut" Now that is something i can totally reckon with!

1 Dec somewhere around 9:00 pm - Frida



Valor personified. All u require to live your life is courage. Every one is given the same life with same true & lies. Most opt for pain and sorrow but few just go for smiles.